my first x factor post - mcdonald brothers?

Do you want fries with that? Appropriately, I presume this will be the mantra of the hapless Scottish duo come January.

Every year there's a McDonald Brothers - sometimes we get two. Last year it was Chico and the Conway Sisters. The year before...Two to Go anyone?

Chico played it right - he knew it wouldn't be the first that enthusiasm had beaten out talent and he played to that strength to the point that even Simon Cowell came to respect him as a performer. He knew he wouldn't win and was graceful in defeat. I've seen more of Chico than Shayne Ward this year. Dumping that St Tropez-ed scouse girlfriend of his can be Shayne's only saving grace now. I wish I'd put some money on them to last this long.

If you're going to be crap, at least do it with style. The McDonald Brothers grin sheepishly at Simon and Sharon's thinly veiled attempts to oust them each week. At least last year's Conway Sisters, highly irritating sub-B*Witched for those that missed it, fought back. They argued like schoolgirls (which they were) with their mentor, Simon. They chose their own songs and failed miserably. They blatantly exploited Louis Walsh's feverish devotion to all things Irish and claimed 'America are interested'. (Yep, they're interested in all things Irish including the IRA.) You loved to hate them.

Two To Go, well, they made me physically ill for the latter half of 2004. A psychopathic girl who from memory looked a bit like Claire from Coronation Street, teamed up with a blind boy. Stevie Wonder he wasn't. Some people were able to contain their gag reflex better than I, and appreciated their performances for the car-crash TV it undoubtedly was.

I was briefly worried this year that we would get stuck with Kerry as well. Rather than winning the sympathy vote, happily, her arrogance and distinctly average voice ensured the judges only had to nervously criticise her without mentioning the wheelchair for a couple of weeks. Phew.

If the McDonald Brothers win the X Factor, the show might as well give up. There are thousands of Pomagne fuelled voters out there, more interested in seeing Simon Cowell squirm than a genuinely talented act win a recording contract. 'Oh but if they win, Simon has to work with them, and he hates them so that will be HILARIOUS.'

No it won't. You won't see it, the meeting in which the unintelligible twosome are paid off so we never have to see them again won't be televised. Oh, aren't you clever?

There are so many people in this country who have to ruin things and turn them into something they werent meant to be. A pity contest, rather than a talent one. These are the same people who refer to the rest of society as 'they'. Council flat conspiracy theorists - I've had enough of them.

I really thought Abba week would get them. I love Abba but they have better songs than the ones featured on the show. Here's three much better Abba tunes, for those that know...

One of Us
That's Me
Dum Dum Diddle

The charity clipboard brigade

Back in the day, charities were staffed by pleasant people, genuinely passionate about their cause and equally respectful if you could not afford / didn't empathise / didn't have time, to give them cash. They kept their distance and you appreciated that, and maybe made a mental note to remember them if you ever did decide to donate to charity.

Fast forward to the 00s and charities employ 20 year olds who have clearly just been rejected from a lineup at the local police station. Most of the ones who leap into my path look like the gay (?) one from X Factor finalists Eton Road. You know, the one who was frighteningly skinny in the auditions but appears to have put on some weight. They literally obstruct your journey, thrust a clipboard in your face and demand not just instant cash, but your bank details and a financial commitment for the forseeable future. You get the feeling that anyone lunatic enough to co-operate will in actuality be funding a session in the nearest student union.

Do you know anyone that has ever handed over their bank details in the street to someone they've never met before? Seriously?

There are some hotspots in London - Farringdon, Holborn and Baker Street have been my personal gauntlets. Despite the abundance of 'suits' in Moorgate, its more of a product test region than charity battlefield. If goodie bags of promotional items and free crisps are your thing then you can do worse than loiter on Moorgate at rush hour.

Children's charities are the worst. On several thousand occasions have I had to hold back from informing Captain Clipboard that I don't in fact like children. Yes that is pretty much every day of my working life. Of course I would be vilified for saying such a thing, of course everyone should love children and want to give their spare cash to them. But if you find them irritating, wouldn't you put your cash and energy into something you do love?

But the point is: these campaigners probably don't like children that much themselves. Their job, like any other, requires them to feign interest in something they wouldn't blink at if they weren't getting paid to lobby long suffering commuters.

I now view most charities as tax collection agents who waste most of the profits on employing people who are either so enamoured of their cause as to be blinkered to other perspectives on the issue, or who really couldn't give a damn where they work as long as they get paid.

But, I do give to two charities - RSPCA and Cats Protection. I love cats, I have two and they show me lots of love in return. None of their campaigners leapt in front of me and caused me to scald myself with tea. They didn't swoop on me at Farringdon station and chase me for 5 mins all the way to the other end of Turnmill Street (you know who you are). They didn't need to - I know who they are and when I decided to give to charity I knew where to find them.

This is what charity should be about - a genuine desire to improve something you care about. It won't be forced by aggressive and intrusive assault of daily commuters, its something you build through intelligent issues based campaigning and real experience.

If I ever have children, god help them, I'm sure I will feel differently about these charities . But until then, I'll give to the charities that appeal to who I am right now.

not another blog looking for a publishing deal...

I'm not a techie. Despite the fact that my mum views me as her personal IT helpdesk. But then, you don't need to be a techie anymore to have a blog, do you? I am so not a early adopter on this one...

Having produced proposals for countless corporate blogs, however, I feel I've come to a understanding about the right reasons for doing one and can identify the people and organisations that should not blog under any circumstances.

I want a blog because...

1. I'm getting a blackberry/PDA this week (not decided on which model - ideas please!) and so will have more time online. Any Londoner who works for a less than flexible and enlightened employer knows, we have a hell of a lot of dead time. Usually in the dark so I'd better get a PDA with a backlight that can connect from 30 feet underground.

2. My boyfriend does like to talk, for a man, but he can't meet my capacity. And that capacity does not include debates on conference football anyway.

3.. I want other people to share their views on the things that I like or that concern me. Then I can make a more accurate assessment of whether 12 years of living in London has driven me insane. Or if I just haven't grown up yet. Or if it doesn't really matter where you live.

5. I need an easy place to improve my writing (well i have worked in PR for 9 years so it's about time) that won't necessitate the insertion of such corporate crap buzzwords as 'best practice', 'dovetail', 'strategy'. Yes I work in b2b PR, someone has to.

6. If anyone does take the time to read my babbling, I'll post up links to anything of interest - discounts, music etc...

Thanks for reading my first post!